Weekends, beware. Watch out behind you, you'll never know when they'll strike. They're out looking for weekends, see? Oh, you don't? Ah, sorry. I forget. Perhaps I should enlighten you on the reason for this warning? They (as in everybody who wants to make life miserable, including lawyers, bankers, income tax officials, people named Bob, Jimmy Page, Angus Young and most importantly, school authorities) are tracking down weekends mercilessly and cutting them down.
It's part of a large group of people, see? They've always hated weekends, ever since weekends were invented (incidentally - and totally unrelated - ever wondered *when* they were invented?). Probably due to some traumatic childhood experience that happened to them on a weekend at some part of their lives. Freud would have a field day on such as these.
It's the typical conspiracy theory: these people, led by a man named Bob (who, in another totally unrelated set of information has a dog named Timmy) plan to rid the workweek of such weekends. The plan has been a long standing one and numerous people along the centuries have tried to warn us of it. Notable people include Cassandra, Nostradamus - who is rumoured to have said to his wife "Buggre alle for a Larke. I amme sick of this workeweek. One ay dayye lik thif ennywone withe sense shoulde be enjoyinge themselfs instead ofe being cooped up withe thes soddinge plague victimse" - and my uncle Charlie (who, in yet another unrelated information note is happily serving time at the local psychiatric asylum.)
They function in subtle ways, and are more dangerous than ever now. They give you a few days of during the workweek and get you feeling all good and such, but this is just a pretext to destroy all weekends... Permanently. So the bottom line is this: Do all you can to protect weekends. If you find a weekend lost, lonely and afraid, take it home and hide it until the hullabaloo has died down (Don't worry, they don't eat too much and are real fun to have around. Very educational for the kids too, and if you don't have kids, well they'll probably arrange for a few to come your way soon enough).
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