She said she wanted to go to the beach...

She said she wanted to go to the beach. I told her for the umpteenth time that it was a waste of time. She asked me why was I so against the beach, and I replied it was because of the sharks. She said I had nothing to worry about, since the sharks hadn't bitten anyone at the beach for years. I replied that that was precisely the point. I mean what's the use of going to the beach if you can't see a decent shark-goring-innocent-beach-goer scene? She told me she didn't know why she'd married me, and I reminded her that I was rich.

She told me that going to the beach would be a good way to spend the weekend. I told here there was nothing there that we couldn't get in our backyard. She told me, yes there was and where was I going to get a beach in our backyard? I told her I'd leave the hose running and take some sand from the kitty-litter and spray it around. She told that would be different. I asked her how. She replied that, for a start, there wouldn't be any salty air. I told her that I was willing to throw an entire bag of salt into the air. She told me to stop fooling around, and that the beach was a good place to enjoy oneself. I asked her but what of the sharks? She replied that there wouldn't be any of them around, and I told her that it wouldn't be much enjoyment without seeing anyone being eaten alive by sharks. She told me I was a perverted, sadistic man. I pointed out to her that her brother was a lawyer who'd be glad to handle a divorce.

She told me that the beach would be a good place to expose the kids to other people, and I told her I wasn't going to risk them seeing a man being eaten by a shark. She told me there wouldn't be any damn sharks in the beach and I replied ah, but then we aren't going, are we? She told me that the sand and the salty water would be good for my health. I replied that I hated it when the sand got into my underwear, and I wouldn't go near the water for all the gold in the world. She asked me why not, and I replied it's because of the sharks. She told me if I loved her, I'd take her to the beach.

So we're going to the beach now. But I've taken a pair of binoculars with me just in case. You never know when a shark could decide to eat some unsuspecting person. I could be lucky today.